Blog: H.M.S HOOP
Friday the 13ths are always eventful days for me,this year is no different.
Back in secondary school I had a very close group of friends, my self, Bryn, Darren,Billy,Liam and when he started to attend our school Billys brother Thomas. Every single lunch time we would all hang out together, mostly cos we were fucking weird pretty much social outcasts.. But over the years I would say we all formed a strong friendship, more a brotherhood if you ask me. In time things started to change Bryn was the first to go when he didn’t stay on at sixth form, then I finished college. There is how ever an upside we always stuck to our friendship, when ever we were out of school/college/uni we would hang out…Sadly we have long lost contact with Liam due to a series of family problems he was suffering at the time, the group hopes he is okay and having a good life..
Today we went bowling together,but not just any bowling no…thats too normal, no we went bowling….IN SUITS…. yes we did it Barney stetson style.Well.Me Darren and Bryn did, sadly Thomas and Billy didn’t have suits to wear but hey so what. Some of the days many comical highlights include; fake names for bowling including Franz Tim and Jason, a bar man refusing to serve Bryn even though he had a passport proving his age,my genius idea involving a flesh light and duck tape, eating fast food in suits and the adventure this blog is about…Learning to row a boat..
So a little after Billy and Thomas had departed me,Bryn and Darren decided that it would be fun to rent a rowing boat..Little did we know what we were going to get our selves into and so begins the adventure of H.M.S Hoop and its brave crewmen.. We had the choice between a row boat and a paddle boat so naturally we went with row boat, because we are strong manly men and Bryn said he could row. The moment we got into the water we knew A.Bryn knew how to row in a canoe NOT a rowing boat and B. none of us knew how to row..Quickly the boat began to drift into the lake as all other laughed at our fail..We all attempted to work out how to row, yeah this sounds really bad a uni student and two college students not having the brains to figure out how to do a simple task..BUT we kept trying and eventually Darren got the hang of it.. through sheer determination we had concurred the sea! instantly I took command of the newly named H.M.S Hoop (formally named H.M.S Cunt but then we changed our mind) mostly because I was the first to call it and well I wore the eye patch.. Darren was our able bodied seamen and my first mate! Bryn quickly,too quickly, opted to be the ships whore (no seriously he did) our time at sea only continued to build on our brotherhood we sang sea shanty’s such as “in the navi”, crashed 3 times, had a titanic moment and defeated the kraken…It changed us..we got on the boat boys and stepped off…as men…and never question that because you weren’t there man! you weren’t there!
I hate happy people… They rank pretty high on the list of things I hate,along with Justin Bieber, cancer, and Danny dyer…but most of all I hate happy couples…now I know what your thinking, hey complains a lot why not calm down have a cock and enjoy love.. YOLO! no fuck you and fuck your little sayings I am more than aware that I only have one life in fact many a night I have sat up thinking about how I am going to die.
Now back to what I was saying, I hate happy couples with a passion. Lets all be honest with our selves you hate happy couples to don’t you.. its okay you can agree no one is judging you.. go on nod your head and agree. I cant be the only one that has been in that situation you know the one,your having a bad day shit doesnt seem to be going right your trying desperately not to beat the next person you see to death with your shoe then…BANG the world decided that your suffering isnt enough you look and you see a happy couple all smiley, holding each other close sharing a laugh “Oh its soo good to be us with our happy happy relationship, its soo good to be in love and not a lonely bastard going out on his own! oh and the sex is fucking fantastic!” you imagine them saying, its at this point that I want to go up to them nut the guy in the face and scream ”HE DOESNT LOVE YOU HE REALLY LOVED HIS LAST GIRLFRIEND BUT SHE FUCKED HIM OVER! BUT YOU WERE KINDA CUTE AND EASY AND NOW HE MIGHT AS WELL STICK WITH YOU BECAUSE HEY ITS BETTER OFF THAN BEING ALONE!”.. I’m not mental..Honest..
It happened to me just recently. I was on a bus and a very happy couple got on and sat in front of me. They then decided it was in the viewing public’s best interests to start a lovey dovey make out session.. This reminded me just how sad and lonely I am.. its at this point in which I like to blame all my problems on the person I hate the most… the bane of my existence..yes you guessed it type cast, cheery cockney cappy wana be hard man Danny Dyer….I dont know if its the fact he has the acting talent of a wet sponge, the fact he is always trying to act the hard case or the fact women actually love him….he just has one of thous faces you know the ones. The type of face you could hit with a cricket bat for hours on end without getting bored…Okay.. maybe I am a bit mental.. professional help is being sought…
Blog:Peace pricks and Princes
Its amazing how sometimes I can just hate people, sometimes without ever meeting them.Its a talent that upon seeing a single picture in my opinion you can be worst than Hitler..while we are on the subject of photos can I make a public service announcement?.. of course I can this is MY blog and I am in the driving seat your just the prostitute tied up in the trunk, Can we all collectively agree that most people who put up the peace sign for a picture are cunts? (if you feel offended by my use of the word cunt you can fuck right off) I mean everyone does it now its turned into the default photo pose for pricks. Really I am not one to talk about posing if you look at my pictures on facebook most of them are in a mirror with an expression like you just told me a duck had killed my family. But hey I acknowledge that I am a prick, a hypercritical prick at that. When leaning forward and raising that peace sign to the side of your face you look like a real prick…seriously its been done to death pick a new pose and fucking smile for once…
dear god, completely off but topic a tv show about girls wanting to marry Prince Harry is playing in the back ground and this pretty much just sums up my previous blog about fangirls.. these women have a scary want to marry the prince according to them because they want a prince and because he is ginger..JESUS CHRIST I never thought I would hear that last part.Oh god one of them has done a collage of him with all of his recent press pictures… I am starting to think the next one is going to show us a love letter written to Harry in her own blood and a toe nail of his she scavenged for in a bin. These are the kind of people that turn into serial killers…None of these girls will settle for anyone other than the ginger twat him self well to be fair any girls who fan over one man almost obsessively wont settle for anyone but them.You will never be good enough for them not unless your willing to change your name, get surgery and be them… Must be nice to them though.. especially Harry.. or the first time in history a ginger is rolling in the pussy and can have anyone he wants. Not entirely sure but I think these is one of the signs of the end of days…
(going to watch this and see how batshit crazy these girls are.. expect a blog about it soon)
Oath of the moment: Games day 2012
I swear this year, I’m going to games day dress as a warrior priest of sigmar!
I am fucking holding you to that
Blog: You’ve grown so much!
“Last time I saw you, you were only this tall” I have heard that sentence 4 fucking times today… along with “Oh you’ve changed so much since I last saw you” well it has been a good 8 years since the last time you saw me that tends to happen.
So today has turned into a walk down memory lane. Not particularly a nice set of memories either. actually scratch that today has been more like I’ve just died and the grim reaper is walking me through my past pointing saying “Remember that? yeah you did that. what an idiot you are”. Okay so let me explain better. Today I went out with my mum to have dinner at my great aunts, we do so every now and then mostly when I am not in uni. On the way we went in to visit my grandmother, only a few years back my grandmother suffered a stroke that left one side paralyzed meaning she needs almost constant care and mother helps out. So we went into visit her before going to my aunts now the last time I saw my grandmother was some time a go back when I had my fringe and such so of course when she saw me she noticed the difference my aunt also happened to be there because she was caring for my gran at the time; she also made a point to remark on how I have changed.
Thinking nothing about it we got on the bus to my great aunts. Now I hadnt been that way for awhile. I dont know if you have ever ventured back to a place you used to go to on a daily bases after some time away but you start to notice every little detail that has changed and I mean every tiny detail. Then it started to happen. A teacher of mine once told me that your mind is a bastard, every now and then it will make you remember the bad stuff it will use it to kick you in the nuts when your having a good day but..when your having a bad day it will never make you remember good memories. Ok maybe he didnt say it in that exact way but thats what he ment and thats exactly what happened; I started to remember every bad memory that took place there it was like being stuck in clip episode of your life where the audience got played a reel entitled “fuck ups” and I just had to sit there and watch.Please let me know if this has ever happened to you.
Then me and mum had to go around picking stuff up that she forgot to get before.. wasn’t that bad I got sushi out of it.. then we bumped into a friends of my mothers, a friend I apparently used to know; now I know I cant be the only one that this has happened to bang you bump into a friend of the family’s who apparently you used to know but you cant remember a thing about them, then you dont want to be rude so you just not and agree hell a random stranger could bump into me and claim to be a friend of the family’s and I would just nod and agree like the bitch I am but I digress. So this friend of the family said the phrase “you’ve changed so much! when I last saw you, you were this tall thats so funny” well that happens over time doesnt it? people grow and change. Then when going into another shop, one I used to visit a lot as a kid, the owner taps my mum on the shoulder and says “is this your boy? he’s changed so much! when I last saw you, you were this tall thats so funny” right I thought is this a glitch in the matrix? because apart from the very first part that is exactly what the last person said.. people do get the concept that people grow and change over a span of 8 years?.
Again on the way now walking to my great aunts I noticed how places had changed and was plagued by bad memories.. but then by the time I reached our destination and we walked in I caught a glimpse of an old school picture of me and thought “I have changed so much….” it took me a little by surprise I felt just like the people who I bumped into but thats what happens to us all we change we grow and most of us become wankers…but I was still right and they were still wrong…
Blog: Fanboy’s and internet arguments..
So I am still having computer troubles today which is starting to make me feel even more isolated than ever, if I could get any more isolated I would be a hermit right now..
But back to the point; so at the start of yesterdays blog I mentioned that I was fanboying over Charily brooker and his book “the hell of it” well just prior to typing this up that prospect got me to thinking why is it called fanboy? (No this is NOT going to be a lecture on how men rule the world and full radical feminist beliefs) I mean I get the reference to men/boy’s loving things too much e.g star wars, star trek, batman and how they can have futile debates over who is the better captain of the enterprise or which actor portraying batman had the chinest chin but have these people seen a 14 year old girl faning over the current singer of some alternative band? its scary. give me a choice between having to tell a 14 year old girl that whats his face lead singer of death metal twatpots (pulled that one out of the back of my mind and there for claim copyrights if you want to call your hip new hair flicky bad death metal twatpots your gona have to pay me say 10% of your royalties) or fighting a bear in armor I’ll take that bear any day.
I just recently got proof of how horrifying a teenage girl can get when her idol of faning is attacked a couple of days ago (prior to my internet troubles) when two female friends of mine got into an argument, but not just any argument.no.an internet argument. As far as I could tell it started like this… Female A posted on Female 1’s wall complaining that they are faning too much over a singer from a band that wasn’t that good and that she will never be able to go out with said person, as soon as I read that I knew a shit storm was coming.So without delay I blew on the horn of gondor as hard as I could. As you all do to warn the world of an internet argument.Right?. As with all arguments the shit flinging soon began with the two girls ruthlessly insulting each other as if two nuclear war survivors fighting over the very last pot noodle. I have seen wild animals have less horrifying fights. And as arguments do just as black holes do they draw in all matter around them. Friends who had no idea who the other person was suddenly rallied behind their cause, hate filled statuses were made and pictures were made subject to Photoshop based propaganda style make overs. I of course trying to be the voice of reason tried to tell both sides that arguing on the internet was futile,that in the end both would look retarded and that it was a waste of their precious precious time. But no when fandom is assaulted you don’t back down to they shut up or die… either of which is acceptable. Eventually both parties did in fact back down, well I wouldn’t say back down I would call it more of a ceasefire
So the point I was trying to make was that we shouldn’t call it fanboy and you shouldnt complain about fanboys because at worst a star wars nerd will engage a star trek nerd in a furious debate and insult the others mum. But when fangirls attack they will stop at nothing short of the others decapitated head on a stick…
P.s Picard was and always will be the best…suck it nerds…
Jimmy Car.. making me proud to be British..and an Athiest
Blog: Technology’s bitch
So just recently I have had problems with my internet connection meaning for the last day or so I have had to do without it.. just think about that for a second.. No Facebook,YouTube, Twitter,Tumblr,pornhub,hotmail or even google…
Thank christ I am currently fanboying over charily brookers book “The hell of it” (Not indicating that I am in anyway a christian or mocking the religious cos the last thing I want; mock peoples imaginary friends). So most of the time I have kept my face in that wondering around my house with the book in front of me, still in my PJ’s like a male miss Havisham: but to get back to the point I was making or trying to make the withdrawl symptoms I was getting got me to thinking. I’m technology’s bitch, so are you we all are, well now days we are (God I hate saying that I sound like an old man) if we aren’t on our laptops or our ipads we are on our smart phones, does no one else get scared by that concept by the way? smart phones when did we suddenly require our phones to have an I.Q? phones are getting smarter and we are becoming more and more dependent on technology I can barely go a day without internet so lets face it this is the rise of the machines.We are all doomed.Dont worry if this is the rise of the machines and all human kind is to be wiped out at least we take Justin Bieber with us.Until next time good bye
You know you haven’t used a site for a long time when you have to accept a new set of terms and conditions…
Anyway, so I made this tumblr so I can blog about my thoughts and day to day activity’s we can all see how well that went seeing as this is my second post..weeks after I actually made this account..
Anyway I’m bored and procrastinating a piece of uni work, been in a weird sleeping pattern in which I woke up at 20:00 today and will probably fall asleep at about 05:00 so I thought I might as well give this blogging a go.. which seems to have turned out well since so far this is rambling at best…
So I had a pretty life changing moment yesterday, I know how cheesey that sounds like a line straight out of disney you expect a fucking theme song to play in the background as tiny birds dress me, I finally got tired of hiding my lazy eye behind a fringe cos I am sick of having to feel bad because of how I look and how others think I look.. so fuck it..dont like it..fuck off…
that seems about enough barely understandable gibberish for now… hope you enjoyed or didnt its your time you used to read it…
until I next decide to write something up.. go bye and try not to die..
That day was a lot of fun…